Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
