I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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