? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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