is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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