plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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