I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
