i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
