So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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