32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
