when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
