People in love make me want to vomit
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
