Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I just went to clothing optional bar
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
