i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
