I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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