I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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