i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
