Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
