hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
