i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
