Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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