Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
