Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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