We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
