It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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