i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
