Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Bring me that man meat
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
