There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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