either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize