I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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