I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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