I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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