Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
