Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
