he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
