So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
