I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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