Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
