The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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