Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
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You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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