I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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