WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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