Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
