ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
