the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
