She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
