he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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