There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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