You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize