We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
