sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
