i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
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We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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