you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
