Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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