yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
