4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you would pick up someone in the library
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
