my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
