youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
