the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
